I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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