you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
