What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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