The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
