In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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