they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
