She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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