Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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