The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
