Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
