your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
