I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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