I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
