How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize