please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
