just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
