I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
