last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
