I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
