Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
