You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
