I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have aggressive nipples.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
