It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
