whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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