dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just pee around me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
