So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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