i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
