don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
