just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
