forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
