I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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