I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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