Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
