Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
