I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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