I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
