I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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