I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
