im having a threesome with these popsicles
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
