I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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