This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
