My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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