Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
