I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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