the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
