As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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