Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize