god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
