We're like a lot better than the average bears
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
