wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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