I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
