WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
