i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
