I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
