I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When did angry sex become our thing?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
