Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
