I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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