Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
