I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He has the fingertips of a God
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
