Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
