I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
