he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
