my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
