I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
