This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
