You can't motorboat a personality
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
