she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
