i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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