dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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