Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
