Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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