Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
