I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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