Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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