I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
